My beautiful boy

Benjamin decided that just days before we left for the 2 day drive to Kentucky to learn Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer".  He basically stuck to the chorus and of that part.. the screaming as only late 80's hair bands can do was his favorite part.  Nick managed to catch this video clip which shows how Ben spazzes out when he is overstimulated by having WAY to many family members in one house in Kentucky.. and then at the very end transitions into an english boys choir version of the Livin' on a Prayer song.  I only wish he had kept going so that it caught how he says "Libbin on a pra-Yah"

Too much information?

Someone commented the other day asking if I'd really want to see a video of one of my seizures.  I have actually given this a lot of thought.  Shiela and Ben know what the expect the best and have seen the most variations.  Fun experiences like falling off the toilet and laying stuck between the washer and dryer and the tub with my ass front and center for when the EMTs arrived.  I'd rather not see a video of that one.

Today I woke up on my knees in front of the couch with my back arched over so that my head and shoulders were on the couch.  I remember thinking that I needed to get up to get my morning meds and then I remember smelling smoke just as I was standing up.. then poof.. next thing I remember was Shiela helping me back on the couch and being in a whole boatload of pain.  Aside from the fall or whatever I did to get into that position.. it must have been a pretty mild one because it didn't seem to take long before I was up and moving/talking again.

I've had several seizures in the waiting rooms at the Emergency Room at Baystate Hospital (ask me how much I hate them).  I've had a few in ambulances.  I've even had a few in the exam rooms at my doctor's office.

Oh wait.. then there was the one I had at Red Robin.  Shiela told me that no one noticed.  Yeah.

I guess that what I'm saying is that there are a lot of people who know what I look like, however graceful or freaky, when I have a seizure.  My cousin was even colorful enough to let me know that I make a "god-awful sound".   I am the one person who knows nothing.  I have no memory of any of the seizures.  I remember smelling smoke each time.  I sometimes remember moving to a safe location.  Then I remember waking up feeling like I spent a few hours running on the beach and swimming in the surf... minus the tan.  Oh.. and my head feels like my skull has been cracked open and broken glass shoved into my eyes. 

I know what Shiela has told me and all of my doctors about what happens during a seizure.  Is that enough?  I am not sure.  I'm not sure I want to see it.  Part of me does.  Part of me is embarassed to know that there is part of me that other people have seen that I am totally unaware of.  Part of me thinks that the lack of consciousness is a form of blissful ignorance.

For the moment.. I won't be hiring a professional videographer.